Employee of the Year

This is Yuki. She is in my top ten favorite people in the world. When she got married I told her she was the most beautiful bride I had ever seen. She said: “Johnny, you’re drunk.” I stand by my statement, even though on the way home from the wedding I had to ask the bus driver to pull over so that I could vomit on Main North Road.

Yuki is old school. She was one of the first customers ever at Cartel and worked at Goodbye Blue Monday the whole time we were open. Since we opened Smash Palace, she has managed to bring some cleanliness and order to what is a fairly chaotic environment. When it’s busy she runs around the place which makes the rest of us work a little bit harder.

I have yet to see a bad side of Yuki. She is always nice. Kids love her. Old people love her. The consensus seems to be that she can do no wrong. A couple of times I have seen her upset and crying, and being the good soul that she is, this made me cry. I don’t want Yuki to be sad, I want her to share in that happiness that she gives to everyone else.


Skip to the Christmas season in Christchurch and a group of horrible middle-aged men with barrel chests, French cuffs and goaties heading out on the town. Imagine the type of guys that drink a lot and think it ridiculous that we would stop serving them when they are trashing the place and behaving like children(in my experience, NZ’s massive cultural drinking problem is not limited to teens). Yuki has to explain to them that we have liabilities with them even being on our site as drunk as they are and one of the fat fucks decides the Christmas season is a good time to get horrible and racist with our dear Yuki.

This upset me a lot, and while Yuki said it didn’t bother her, it bothered me. So Yuki, on behalf of all the good people in Christchurch, I’m sorry you have to put up with that from a prick who should know better. All we can hope is that he becomes part of the holiday road toll.

So to appease my guilt I have written a charming blog post and awarded Yuki the prestigious Smash Palace Employee of the Year Award. This means I will buy her a pack of smokes and a Bodgie Beer and sincerely apologize for the idiots that would dare to suggest that she is not welcome in this country that she has as much right to as anyone else.

Hapy Christmas Yuki. I hope you like your smokes and booze.

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